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A little comic relief
Enough of ranting for a while. This time I figured I would write about some of the calls I had during my hellish days of phone technical support. To this day I am amazed at just how clueless some people really are.
1. The large amount of people who think AOL *is the internet*.
2. Users who swear their operating system is Internet Explorer.
3. Other technicians calling me for help and then challenge my knowledge. (YOU called me!)
4. Anybody who calls their tower case a "modem" or "hard drive".
5. Y2K cables. (oh my god)
6. The enormous amount of users who swore their keyboard does not have a backslash.
7. Idiots who spend the first 2 minutes of the call whining and complaining about the long hold times. So rather than tell me why they call, they would rather complain. Sure, waste more time.
8. The lady who couldn't figure out why her computer didn't keep running off a UPS after the power went out. (and why is it beeping? DUNCE!)
9. Web site owners who asked me why their domain isn't listed in Yahoo after 2 weeks. I have a surprise for you, I don't work for Yahoo, and THEY decide who gets added, NOT ME!
10. Someone else broke it, I am too cheap to pay to have it fixed, I want you to tell me how to fix it. Not going to happen.
11. Always, always start off the call by yelling and screaming and telling me how much you hate the company and our products. That is truly the best way to get service out of us! (fdisk, delete primary partition anybody?)
12. During my web hosting days, the few users who asked why we used Unix instead of "superior" Windows. Shows just how stupid they really are.
13. Does the computer have to be on for me to use it! (this came up all the time... does the TV have to be on for you to watch it?)
14. I'm a complete novice, know nothing about computers, and I would like to get my computers networked. Excellent. Here is the number for Microsoft.
15. The lady who said she knew more about computers than I did. Ok, maybe she does. Why does she need me to fix her problem then?
16. Why isn't my monitor working? Because you didn't plug in all the cables. Yes, you need them. Why would the manufacturer include them if they were not necessary?
17. Why do people spend $300+ on a computer and have NO CLUE what they bought?
18. Wait on hold for 15 minutes, then ASK ME if I will wait for you while you finish something. One word: NO.
19. Ladies screaming "I don't like your attitude" because they don't get what they want. BITE ME. I could care less if you don't like my attitude. This is not a popularity contest.
20. Where is the ANY key? (this happened to me... TWICE)
21. Callers expecting me to remember a detailed conversation we had 3 weeks ago. Folks, I don't remember what I did YESTERDAY, so I sure as hell don't remember your phone call.
22. "I'm an <insert MCSE, MCP, A+, CNA, etc>". That's fascinating. I really don't care.
23. Anybody who thinks I am going to explain reinstalling Windows over the phone. How did these people escape the mental hospital?
24. Those who think it is MY fault because their computer is old and slow. It's called DEFRAG. You owned that computer for 3 years and never used it? Look into this command.
25. Web hosting customers who thought our OC48 line was too slow. (unless your a techie, you won't get this)
26. Microsoft FrontPage. Hate it. Talk about one of the worst HTML editors, and just about every newbie I spoke with used it.
27. "I never use my C:\WINDOWS folder, do I need it?" No, go ahead and delete it. Goodbye. Click.
28. Screamers who said our products and software suck. And they thought I cared. Don't use it then.
29. The guy who just bought his first computer and wanted me to teach him how to use it. Another mental hospital escapee.
30. Anybody who thinks "teacher" and "technician" are synonymous.
31. Idiots who have no idea what computer they had and expect me to find out. I failed psychics class.
32. Don't pay your bill, wait for your account to get shut off, then call me screaming and say you JUST PAID YOUR OVERDUE BILL and you want your account back on now. Ya know what, since you were in NO HURRY to pay it, I am in NO HURRY to turn it back on. I'll perform the chmod 775 trick on your directory later on. If I feel like it. Maybe.
33. Complain about our prices and tell me how much cheaper the competition is. Fine, then go there.
34. "I've been using computers since the IBM 360 mainframe was invented". Fascinating. Are you listed on the National Historical Register too?
35. Whatever you do, ALWAYS wait until 4:55 on a Friday evening, right before we close, and tell me your 5 station Windows or Novell network is down. Sucks to be you.
36. Customers who tell me it is my fault because their computer crashed. Yes, I have those powers.
37. Call me names. Excellent way to get a DELTREE /Y C:\*.* or fdisk and kill the primary. Piss me off and pay the price.
38. Demand to know why your package hasn't arrived. Did I answer the phone as "XYZ computer consultants" or FedEx?
39. Idiots who tell me I *WILL* come over to fix their problem. Oh I will fix it, with a hammer and 45 magnum.
40. Never follow my directions on the phone, just do as you please. While your at it, why don't you take a nice hot bath to calm down and I'll toss in a live hair dryer.
Enough ranting?!?!?!? Man, you must have been pretty burned out. No wonder you're brewing beer!!!
I see a lot of pretty stupid things working in the ER. For better or worse, there is a bell curve out there, and for every Einstein there is someone on the mirror side of the bell. Such is life. Just be happy you're someone in the great big middle like me.
I am glad my job isn't that stressful! I personally like the rare times when people make ass's out of themselves. I get to see how I uasually sound. Still the bone head!
As a teacher, I can honestly say that it will only get worse.
Sou
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